careless.

Have you ever thought about, what protects your heart?

Just a cage of rib bones, and other various parts.

This is so true. There is no preperation for being heartbroken. Nothing at all you can do emotionally to help you prepare for a heartbreak. Big or small. Nothing that can make your heart not hurt quite as bad, because when it happens, it hurts. No matter what. Sure, your ribs and other bodily organs protect your heart from being physically damaged, but emotional damage is unpreventable.

Heartbreak. When you hear this term, you generally think of loseing someone special. I would think of a break up, death, or other type of large let down. But in my book, these are just major heartbreaks. Many don't include the small things that make your heart hurt to be a heartbreak. I do. And my heart gets hurt pretty often. I wish I could learn to make something besides my ribs and other various parts protect my heart.

As someone who is generally happy, I love making others happy. I have been hurt, over and over, and so when I can make someone else happy, when in pain, it makes me feel important. Generally that's what I long for. I long to be important to someone. I want someone to miss me when I'm gone, and value my opinion. I want someone to want to talk to me, and let me make them happy. I want to make someone happy, and be important to them. I don't really want to be the most important. Just important. I want someone to let me make them happy. Someone imparticular, Sean.

Considering I know noone reads this, I'm okay with letting it all out. The only person that would read this would be Amber, and it doesn't matter if she knows, so..Hi Amber:]

Anyhow. Sean goes through so much, and he means a lot to me. Even being so far away, he can make me happy. Without trying. Simply a conversation makes me happy. I suppose I'm just easy to please, because it isn't the same for him. I don't make him happy no matter how hard I try. I don't make him feel the same way, and it makes my heart so sad. It hurts when he tells me his roommates make him happy, when I'm the one that listens to his problems, and tells him it will be okay. I'm the one that tells him goodnight every night, and worries about him when he doesn't answer. I'm the one that cares so much about him, and yet, I still get nothing. Why? Why was I put in the position to care for someone so much, and not recieve the same in return. I just don't understand. I know that everyone is put in my life for a reason, but I haven't figured out the reason for Sean. Maybe he's there to make me happy. Maybe I shouldn't worry about making someone else happy for once. But that isn't fair, because he would make me muh happier if I were important to him. Ah. Whatever.

Heartbreak. Tonight, my heart was broken a little bit. When you told me they make you happy. When you didn't say "you make me happy, so you don't have to leave me alone." Instead, you said, "It's all I do, but I spend a lot of time with Sarah and Ami, and they make me happy, so, yeah." Note to you: I want to make you happy. Not sexually, not physically, not romantically, not anything more than just a friendly happiness. That's what I want. I want you to miss me when I'm not around, and notice when something is wrong. I want you to care. Basically, I want you to stop being careless.