fear.

Lost confusion. Confessions in my head that hid behind my heart. Knowing what is correct, but wanting what isn't right. Begging for the wrong, praying for the right. What do I do?

Can someone be the best and the worst thing that's ever happened to you? all at once? He is.

Am I blind to the real world answers? Am I lost in the sea of love? What is happening to my kind judgement and soft temper?

I sit and ponder, and simply need to get some things off my chest. I need to know what the right answer is, but it never seems to come. I pray, I make a decision, and then i second guess myself and wonder if it's the correct answer that God showed me, or if I'm simply making the decision the best pleases me. Importance, being used to an extent, or being loved?

At this point, I know that I can't take care of myself, muchless someone else, but he needs someone to take care of him, and he relys on me for that, but I can't do it. It will hurt saying I can't. I want to, I do. I want to beable to do anything I can to help him, but will I be sucessful? Probably not.

3 weeks is so so so soon. Can I handle it? Is it the time that bothers me, the person, or the fear? Is it fear if being rejected by him? Or is it the fact that he expects too much from me? Is it him in generally, his non-God fearing spirit? What is making these feels of sudden regret fall into my lap?

I buy the ticket.
I buy the meal.
I buy the necessities.
I buy the gas.
What do you get?
An easy way out, with a struggling girlfriend.

Today I ask myself, is love more important than myself? Is it worth disappointing my family, and friends? Is it even really there? Can I love by knowing the pain it's caused others? What do I do, Lord. Please give me the answers today. Tell me what I do, tell me how I do it.. Tell me why.

I ask you please, please tell me the answer.